Much better to take a practical approach: lifslong theirblock their social media s and purge their leftover belongings from your home. But then, B happened. He was my best friend. We grew up together in Sydney and had one of those freakishly close relationships that only really develop during childhood. We shared everything: from school gossip to family problems. He was the first person I came out to, and I was his.
We started going out in our mid-twenties when he moved liflong to Sydney after several years away. The relationship was, well, complicated. Every conversation seemed to turn into an argument. I wish I could say there were good parts but the truth is, it was ugly from the start.
7 Ways to Go from Friendship to Relationship
I was vile, and he was vile back. And because we were already so close, we knew where to land our verbal punches. We lasted about 18 months. One day, after a particularly nasty fight, something between us broke for good. We both felt it. That hurt. I had secretly wanted him out for months, but once he was gone the flat felt empty. And for a short while, it worked. When we were going out I either wanted fruends pounce on him or punch him, but my feelings had mellowed.
That meeting made me realise how much I missed him — not as a partner, but hooefully a friend. Although we avoided certain topics, such as dating other people, there was an easy comfort in the way we chatted. For better or for worse, I wanted him in my life and he felt the same. We agreed to give it a go. Over the next few months, we met up regularly. Sometimes we ran out of things to talk about and there were awkward silences. Sometimes it was tense, especially when we tried to talk about issues we had faced in the relationship.
Emotional landmines were stepped on, by accident and on purpose. We both had to learn to hold our tongues. When he first told me he was dating somebody else, I felt sick to my stomach even though I was doing hopefull same. We were working out where our boundaries were by a process of trial and error. So we sucked it up and stuck it out for the long game. Eventually, the tension eased - we relaxed, and let our guard down. Our conversations started to flow more naturally and we started to talk about dating other people.
But with time, I got used to it and now it feels totally normal.
He has the keys to my flat and comes and goes as he pleases. We deal with difficult relationships all the time — at work, with our friends and with our families. Why should an ex be any different?
Sure, not every relationship is worth the effort. I have friends who would rather wax their scrotum than go for lunch with their exes. But some people are worth investing in — and for me, B was one of them.
When it comes to the type of love that shook you to your very core, whether it ended on good terms or broke your heart, friendship is not an option. I learnt this the hard way. I met my ex — the great love who shoved my heart in a blender — at university. He was instantly attractive in that maddeningly generic way: lfelong, dark and handsome. We were a one-night stand that somehow turned into a friendship, that somehow turned into a relationship.
We were together on and off for three years after we graduated, with weekends of coupled-up bliss spent holed-up in his London flat, punctuated by fierce arguments about commitment. Our break-up was as convoluted and protracted as our time together: full of false starts and regretful make-ups.
The Rules of Opposite Gender Friendships
That said, when we ended our romantic entanglement, we agreed that the friendship that had initially kick-started our relationship was worth saving. Our so-called terms included telling each other when a future romantic exploit was growing into something serious. Marie-Claire Chappet I should have known it was doomed from the outset. Plus everyone — from parents to friends — told me we were heading for disaster. Shortly after our break-up, I went into hospital for a jaw operation.
My ex visited me, and brought flowers. This moved me — but not in the way you should be when a mate brings you hopefullg. My heart jumped the way it does when that person you fancy does something nice for you.
Can you ever be best friends with an ex?
And firends realising it, I was soon analysing his every move as if he was still a romantic prospect. I was jealous when he mentioned girls, I was hopeful when he called. It's because so much of our relationship remained unchanged.
Navigating the shift from couple to mates was weirdly easy because the only thing we had stopped doing was anything physical — besides those lingering hugs. We still shared a Netflixwe still messaged each other all day every day, we still spoke for hours on the phone. I had started dating other people, and true to our promise, I could only assume he may have been doing the same — but with no serious prospects.
And, ultimately, that is what we were doing: pretending. Of course, this all came crashing down six months into our friendship.
Can you ever be best friends with an ex? - BBC Three
I stammered through a response, saying I had no idea. He is not my best friend whose new relationship I am thrilled about. He is my ex-boyfriend who has a new girlfriend I knew nothing about. I am not thrilled for him, like a good mate should be - I am devastated, like a woman who is still in love with him.
Vicky Leta I ended our friendship the next day. He was upset and admitted that he had kept the relationship a secret, despite the fact it had become serious, because he had wanted to keep our friendship going. That was touching, yet further proof of how toxic our faux friendship had become. However, ending it was also one of the best decisions of my life. The connection I had with my ex was too deep, too problematic and too fraught with romantic tension to ever be a friendship.
What our abortive attempt at being pals taught me was that trying to transform a relationship like that into a smooth-sailing, supportive friendship, is impossible - it does nothing but draw out and prolong the pain of breaking up.
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Today, my ex is a person I only text on his birthday. He does the same with me. Understanding that is the first step to getting over someone. Because, if you loved them like that, you were never truly just friends, so why on Earth would you start now?