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Share It's almost and goddamn, we are in need of some new slang words for sex. So, let's get creative in

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We all have that girl or boy in our life who is a mere slampiece — good for some boinky-boinky every once in awhile, but that's all. But what about when a fuckbuddy is so magnificent at getting dirty, you want to shout it yorney the world? As in, "Last night, we got into some dirty dirty stuff, and my slampiece became my slam-masterpiece! Make a sex.

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As we've already established, saying "let's have sex" is boring. But what about saying "make a sex" in a cartoonishly Italian accent while pinching your fingers together? Studies show that you're ten times more likely to get dicked down if you hit on someone in an obviously fake accent; that's just science. Like so.

Eve Peyser 6. Selfuckbuddy A fuck buddy is a person you have sex with regularly with no strings attached. A selfuckbuddy is someone who exists merely to receive your fire nude selfies. They respond with a simple fire emoji or maybe they'll throw textung a pic every once in awhile.

Ultimately, they exist to consume your amazing nude content that's too racy for the web. Textlng may have made a sex with them once or twice. But perhaps they live across the country or it was just a one-time thing: Blzck when they go from being a fuckbuddy to a selfuckbuddy. Everyone needs at least one selfuckbuddy in their lives. Thanks to vibrators and feminism, women are completely self-sufficient organisms.

They hang out, cast spells on evil ex-lovers, write thinkpieces about online dating and make themselves come with vibrators and gay porn.

We don't need no stinking men. We're spinstersexuals. Wow, wow, wow, buy me dinner first. Or don't.

Actually, don't. Beep, beep.

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This line is busy. My horoscope said today would have unsuspecting challenges.

Has this ever worked for you? If you don't have anything nice to say, sometimes it's best not to say anything at all. You really should ask before you sext me, I just had my screen shared on a Zoom meeting.

Would you like me to show my partner this text? Love the direct communication, not super into sexting atm. If we're being open and honest about our sexual needs, I need you to stop sexting me unprompted, in the middle of the day.

Looking for hot sex with a hot guy.

We're closed. Please come back later. What font should we use on our wedding invitations?

Oops, sorry! Dropped my phone in the toilet this morning, can't text! Do you have someone else you could reach out to?

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I just ed up to testing local convent. You just missed your window! Can't respond, getting a manicure! Why don't we have your people contact my people, and we can do lunch sometime. I don't accept unsolicited pitches, have your agent contact my office. Waiting for Ashton Kutcher to tell me I'm getting Punk'd. When I gave you myI didn't think you were going to sext me.

They say life is full of disappointment. I guess I can add this conversation to that list. Wow, now I know exactly what I don't want from a date. Let's play the quiet game. I'll start.

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When You Are Into It You know, I was expecting a message from my dermatologist, but this is much better. If you're this good with your words, I can't wait to see what you can do with your hands. You know, I've been waiting for you to sext me all day, it's rude to keep someone waiting. I see you'd like to make a dick appointment. Stay on the line, and we can schedule you shortly.